Monday, September 20, 2010

Birthday Mania

Why, why, why are children so indecisive? I've been planning a movie night themed party for a couple of months, and now, 'Mom, I want to have a Halloween party.' To avoid behaving inappropriately in front of my child, I walked outside and sat on my porch in my newly painted wicker ensemble. If I smoked, this would be a golden opportunity to have a cigarette. While I sat there, I'm sure I invented some new four-letter words that maybe I'll share later.

To be continued......

Oh and this weekend should be amazing. Cue the wedding march music. I've been standing in front of the mirror practicing how not to dance.

Finding the Right Things to Say

Sometimes, words are not enough to express how wonderful spending time with family can be. I'd especially like to thank Walt Disney for allowing his dreams to transpire into the immensely fulfilling place that most affectionately call 'Disney World.' How can this get any better? Being confined to pushing the 'Lexus' and having tiny Cheetos-covered hand prints all over my shirt didn't dampen my day. We had our ups, and we had our downs, but in the end, we're still family.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Old Habits Die Hard

I was talking to a friend the other day, and to use his terminology 'My car is a mobile library. I'm always learning in there.' Of course I had a perpetual chuckle in my head after he said that because he's purports to be a scholar but that's just an auto-tuned version of a geek! Not that I have anything against geeks because daily at work, I'm immersed in their tales of LAN parties and character levels on D&D all while forced to watch as they make a mockery of fashion in their 'Do I look like the Helpdesk?' and 'Will work for babes' t-shirts. Should I mention the sneakers with the laces pulled so tightly that it seems that becoming a foot amputee is inevitable due to no blood circulation ? I say this all in jest, however, because the talks with them are often the highlight of my day.

While my car is mobile, it's my temporary escape from the insanities of my life! Yes, insanities because many of the events that fill up my life drive me bananas. I don't want to learn how to do anything in my car except avoid getting mayo that's sloshed on my Whopper on my seats and drive with my elbow while I'm trying to put on make-up. [Did I mention that I absolutely love make-up? ] It's been brought to my attention by several people that I'm a menace to the public, both drivers and pedestrians, when I'm behind the wheel. I'm somewhat offended by that statement because the state of Georgia says that I CAN drive at least until July 19, 2011, and Progressive has given me the honor of being a Platinum member who gets her bank account bled each month. Who's complaining though?

I think that the statements about my vehicular activities are the naysayers way of relishing the fact that I'm great at what I do. I can talk on the phone, check homework, and write a check for the Krispy Kremes that I just purchased, so my multi-tasking skills are superb. I've often found myself two-stepping (my dancing abilities are extremely limited) while sitting in my car when I'm listening to the latest music, and they are a little jealous that I look so cool doing it. Recording voice memos while driving is all the rage, so perhaps they are annoyed that their memories are failing, and my to-do lists remain intact? Whatever the case may be, let me luxuriate in MY car even if it's only a Nissan Altima and has recently melted color crayons in the back seats, a week's worth of mail and catalogs, and coupons for all of the local restaurants! Although my driving may be at times treacherous to others, I'm always DWI....driving while intelligent!

Monday, September 6, 2010

I Think I Made It

My weekend was a delightfully frightening mixture of swamp-tasting water, cabernet sauvignon/merlot/moscato, Spanx, Calvin Klein, corals and ivories, iPhone vs Droid mania, being the rhythmless black girl, craving a horse and carriage ride, and to say the poisoning (no comment).

The bride was beautiful as expected, and thank goodness I pulled out the MAC mascara because I think I was the only person that cried during the entire wedding. Everyone was probably looking at me like 'WTH is she crying for. She's not the one getting married!' I think that my crying was extremely modest compared to a certain person's belligerent ranting. It was embarrassing yet hilariously funny. There were a lot of funny moments which made for good conversational pieces afterward. [Note to self: When I'm 35, never come to a wedding wearing a baby doll dress that looks more like a tunic than a dress and 6 inch white platform sandals. Not a good look].

I think for me, the highlight of the wedding, other than the obvious, was the duet that was performed. They sang 'When I First Saw You' from The Dream Girls soundtrack, and I must say that again, I was moved to tears. Their voices were perfectly in sync, and it was absolutely beautiful. The sound was so thunderous that if a person wasn't affected by how great it sounded, then he/she lacks the capacity to enjoy fantastic entertainment. I just may send the two of them a thank you card and invite them to sing in my wedding :)

The reception was fun although the DJ did play some inappropriate tunes with little kids being there. I had the pleasure of sitting near a guest that made me muffle my laughter incessantly because he seemed to have been dragged to the wedding by his wife and was ready to fly the coup!! I've never heard the word 'shit' so many times in one night as he expressed his disdain for having to be there and for how long it took to complete each part of the reception. The bridal party was colossal, so I somewhat understood his pain. I wish I would have thought to ask his name. He was much needed comic relief. The food at the reception was delicious, the music was a perfect mixture for the young and old, and the after party festivities back at the hotel are a bit foggy as I seem to remember absolutely nothing. Thank goodness for time stamps on text messages, tweets, and FB status updates or I'd not known whether I was coming or going :)

I awakened at 7am the morning after to only to find out that check-out was at 11am as opposed to 12am, and needless to say, I was not happy. To further add to my unhappiness, I had several closed sessions in the bathroom making me wonder what exactly didn't I drink the previous night. This went on for about an hour until word starting to get around that everyone was participating in the same activities. We'd all been food poisoned ,and Charmin and Glade stock prices reached an all-time high! Pit stops had to be made the entire trip home, but we made it...just barely. Somehow. four people managed to tag me with the nickname that I'll only call 'BG,' and I think that it was well-earned. I never knew that Pedialyte could be so tasty! I can't wait to see what the next weeks hold!!!

Dreams do indeed come true but not on their own. Desires are most certainly fulfilled but not just by wishing...Ralph Marston